her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
