I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
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I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And then the night went full on bisexual.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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