when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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