maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
