Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my poor anus
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize