You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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