I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
