There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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