had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
