...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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