My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
