GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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