You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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