Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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