You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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