My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
