Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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