i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
