Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Randomize
