my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
