Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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