youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
