dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
