david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
