He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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