Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
