I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
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