Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize