let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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