I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
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I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
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Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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