So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
