It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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