yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
