I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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