I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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