what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
