I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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