Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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