Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
