U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Randomize
