Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Little spoons don't ask big questions
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
