I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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