ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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