I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
