I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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