I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
