I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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