6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
