Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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