Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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