You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize