Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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