I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
