kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
