Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think my moral compass just broke
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
