The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
