roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
