dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
